The Ultimate College Checklist

The clock is ticking down the weeks, days, hours to his departure. My boy is heading to college! I am so excited for his new adventure that I refuse to let the millions of "to-dos", that are neatly printed on the checklists scattered around the house, take away even one second of my joy (or his).

Checklists are my thing. Jotting down important ideas that pop into my mind, plus the thrill of crossing them off? [Did you also feel that shudder down your spine?]

• Fill out the FAFSA

• Apply for a loan

• Buy towels

• Set up laptop

• Throw out socks with holes

• Send out announcements

• Write thank you notes

• Introduce yourself to your new roommates

The list is endless and I find myself adding to it while I'm driving, walking the dog, showering, exercising...my mind never rests lately. This mother's mental load is heavier than it's ever been...BUT at the end of the day, if a few of these items don't get checked off...so what?! Honestly...SO WHAT? These are not the be-all and end-all. So what if his roommate thinks he has ancient socks. It's no different than the myriad times I left the house with an inadequately stocked diaper bag. Guess what? We survived. Once again, he'll be okay if a few items are left unchecked. As long as I complete the "Ultimate Checklist".

The what??? Let me explain.

We have spent the first 18 years of his life shaping and molding his precious mind and heart. The bedtime stories we read, the church we attended, the backseat car conversations, the friends and family we spent time with; have all been leading us to the moment when he would leave the nest. Suddenly, those long days and night of infancy and toddlerhood, seem to have flown by and I'm not sure we covered everything. Realistically, I know that we could never possibly have covered every single scenario he might encounter in his life. There is no standard operating procedures manual, nor chapters we skipped over. Regardless, I feel like I am cramming for a final exam, but instead of force-feeding information into my own brain, I'm, ever so gently, trying to shovel it into his.

Being the organizer I am, and to make sure I stay on task, I have developed "The Ultimate College Checklist". The one around which all other checklists will revolve. Rather than nag or fuss about the little things, if I can't tie a task back to this list, I won't worry about it.

Son, this checklist is different than the hundreds I left for you over the last 18 years; on the kitchen counter, the bathroom mirror, the front door, your lunch box. I hope that you'll read it, refer to it often and never get bogged down with all the other to-dos life will throw at you.

	Pray
	Build Relationships
	Listen
	Extend Grace to Others
	Pray Some More

1. Pray - This is on the list twice because God is real and He loves us in our best moments, as well as our worst. It is ideal to call on Him before you tackle new challenges and it is also okay to lean on Him when all else has failed. He created this magical world that functions regardless of what we do or don't do to interfere with it. He uniquely designed you to experience and contribute to this very moment in time. You will be faced with good and bad things throughout your life, but you are never facing them alone. God loves you even more than your parents and He is with you when we cannot be.

2. Build Relationships - Introvert or extrovert, you need other people. Different perspectives, talents and points of view make life interesting and we learn from it. You don't need to agree with everyone and you certainly don't need to disagree with everyone. Find what others are good at and let them bless you with their gifts and in doing so, you too will be a blessing to them...even if you aren't quite sure what your gift is yet. That widsom comes much later in life, but you have to communicate with others to gain it.

3. Listen - Communication is a two-way street and listening is the on ramp. It is the cornerstone of the relationships you will build. Listen and seek to understand others rather than preformulating your response while others are speaking.

4. Extend Grace to Others - This is more than just being polite to people. Giving grace is a conscious act of extending kindness and preemptive understanding or forgiveness to another person. It's the key to recognizing that others may approach the same interaction with a backstory that you know nothing about. It's more than just listening to what they do say, but, also, to what they don't say. Build relationships based on trust and acceptance, which can be found when one extends grace.
   

You have spent the first 18 years of your life learning the difference between right and wrong and building your core values. Your development isn't done yet, the best is yet to come. As Uncle Art, my wise Godfather, wrote in your graduation card..."please learn HOW to think, not WHAT to think."

If you are reading this post while in a similar season of life, I invite you to tweak the checklist for your own use, so that is prioritizes the values that are important to your family and suits the personality and passions of your young-adult child. There are only a few short weeks left before our children will leave the nest. There is so much to do between now and August, but don't let that stress interrupt the last few meals at the dinner table or interfere with a meaningful car conversation.

Odds are, you do not remember the last time you gave that child a piggyback ride, or how old they were when they stopped crawling in your bed in the middle of the night, but you will want to remember quite a few moments from "the summer before they went away to college." If you're like me, you might just start crying in the middle of some of those moments. That's okay too. It's much easier to edit and follow a list with 5 items, rather than the infinite number you will find on those that itemize the dorm "must haves" for incoming freshman. (That's what Amazon is for.)

Use your Ultimate Checklist as the last lesson plan before your child heads out into the world. Give them the freedom to make their own choices and the safety to return to you for guidance, should they seek it.